Emmeline, Emmeline, I love you

More than two years since my last post... and I think it's well past time for another one.

Annie has grown into a beautiful, witty, loving, funny, charming, and sassy 3 year old.  I love her now more than I ever have... and still... my heart has found a way to grow to be twice as big as before.

Annie's baby sister, Emmeline (Emma) was born on May 7, 2013 and has worked her way solidly into our lives and our hearts.  Soon after she was born I was commenting to a friend that it's like my heart has been broken in two and grown twice as big... somehow.  Everyone told me this would happen, but you never really know until it happens to you.

I'll give a recap of Emma's birth story which is SO MUCH DIFFERENT than Annie's...

On Tuesday, May 7, I though my water broke at around 5:30pm but I wasn't having any contractions.  (already this is totally different than Annie's birth where my water didn't break until 20 hours into labor).  I called our midwife, Dana, to ask what she thought we should do, and she recommended resting, and waiting for the contractions to start.  And sure enough, they started... but slowly.

Annie was finishing a late nap at the time, and she woke up around 6pm.  I was starting to have some minor contractions by then, and so Johnny and I decided to call Carmen to come pick up Annie, and to call my Mom and tell her to head down from Seattle.  When Carmen got here, my contractions were slowly getting more painful (still around 2.5-3 minutes apart), and within 30 minutes I could no longer talk through them (by about 7).  Johnny had to tell Carmen to get Annie out of here... we didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.  We called Dana and agreed to meet her at the birth center at 8pm, and we also called our Doula, Leah, so she could meet us there at the same time.  It was about 7:15 and Johnny and I were getting in the car to go, but he said he was hungry and wanted to stop by Burgerville to get something to eat.  (knowing that he wouldn't have a real opportunity to eat for who knows how long).

(this is the part of the story that's pretty funny)
So Johnny and I drive to Burgerville near our house and I ask him to not go through the drive-through... I didn't want to be panting and moaning while some poor food worker is handing him his food.  On the way there he calls his Dad to let his parents know that we were heading to the birth center and he tells his Dad about stopping for some food.  His dad asks him if he's crazy, and shouldn't he be high tailing it straight there.  Then Johnny says, well, I need to eat something.  Then his dad says, "It isn't even for Christi??".  Ha ha!!  (I had already eaten, by the way)

So he parks and goes in.  He didn't exercise the best judgement in picking the parking spot though... because he parked the car headlights-first right in front of the Burgerville windows.  In other words, everyone in the restaurant had a front-row seat to see some poor woman moaning and rocking back and forth every 2-3 minutes.  Did I mention this went on for 15 minutes??  It had to be THE LONGEST wait in history, and I'm not exaggerating.  When Johnny got back in the car he was just a tad ticked off (you can imagine) and stressed out.  But now, finally, we were on our way.

We arrived right at 8pm, just as Leah was driving up.  We went straight into the birth center and into the same room where Annie was born.  It was a little surreal being there, and I was wondering what was in store... would we be in this room for another 30 hour labor?  (God I hoped not)

I labored in the room for a little while (maybe an  hour), choosing to stand during contractions with my arms around Johnny's neck (like last time).  But this time, I had Leah... Thank GOD I had Leah.  Because of my horrible back and hip pain with Annie's birth, I decided to hire a LMT/Doula to attend this birth and I think it made a world of difference.  During each contraction, Leah would stand behind me and apply deep pressure to my low back and hips which really allowed me to relax into the contractions.  Rather than fighting them, I tried to just allow my body to open up, and Leah's work really helped.

I got into the bath tub for about half an hour, and it was somewhere during this time that Johnny and Dana made a bet (unbenownst to me at the time).  Johnny asked her how it was going (out of ear-shot of me, of course), and she said I was doing great and that this baby was going to be born soon.  Johnny asked if she thought the baby would have a May 7 birthday (would I give birth in the next 3+ hours), or a May 8 birthday.  Dana said May 7... Johnny said May 8.  And they bet a dollar on it.  (something that Dana says she NEVER does... ha ha)  And of course, Dana ended up winning the bet.

After being in the bath for that half hour I decided to get up and walk around the block.  (It was right around 9:15 by this time).  I didn't want to repeat the endless hours of laboring while standing still like I did last time, and I was determined to do everything I could to help things progress as quickly as possible.  So I pulled on a bath robe, and Johnny, Leah and I started walking.  We were about to go around the corner when I saw Mom's red car pull up, so we stopped and waited for her.  She got out of the car just as a contraction was starting.  And I remember her saying, "oh I remember what that feels like" to which I responded (using my in-pain groaning voice) "Shut up Mom!".  Johnny then told her, after the contraction was over, that the rule was that you did not talk during a contraction.  (I don't know why this was important to me, but any kind of distraction or talking during a contraction just completely irritated me).  She only needed to be reminded one other time... :)

It took about 30 minutes to go around the block, and I remember the sun was already down.  Some of the residents of the neighborhood were poking their heads out their windows (having to hear me moan and yell during contractions), and I'd hear my mom or Johnny say, "It's ok... she's just in labor... every thing's fine".  Ha ha!

Dana met us right as we were rounding the last corner of the block... my contractions were really strong and hard by this time.  She checked the baby's heart rate, and mine, and I was starting to enter into that delirious part of labor where you kind of feel like you're in a fog, and the world sort of disappears.  I was coherent enough to walk back into the birth center and into our room.  I had another strong contraction and then I felt like my water broke again.  (apparently there are two separate parts of the amniotic sac, and so it's not uncommon for this to happen.  weird!)

Then I said that I wanted to get back in the water, and everyone sprang into action. (it's amazing to me how the midwives know that birth is imminent)  Leah and Johnny changed into their bathing suits, and Leah got into the tub with me.  (Johnny sat on the side next to me so he could stroke my shoulders and back).  The midwives got cold towels for my head and back, and got everything ready for the baby.  I was in the tub for only 22 minutes during which time I remember a few things...

...I remember one of the midwife apprentices (Isabel) sitting in front of me giving me her hands to squeeze. (what a wonderful feeling it is to squeeze something really really hard when you're in that kind of pain).  I remember her sweet face calmly reassuing me after each contraction telling me that I was doing great.  Meanwhile I was thinking "you poor thing... I'm screaming in your face and squeezing your hands till they're purple... and you're telling me how wonderful I am... bless you!"  But seriously, that was a wonderful and incredible gift of support and allowance.

...meanwhile, Leah was applying strong pressure to my back and hips with each contraction... I remember in the middle of one contraction actually telling her to "push Leah, push"... because I could tell that the pressure she was putting at the top of my hips was really helping my pelvis to open up more.  And I remember at one point Leah started humming... a deep low hum that made it feel like the water in the bath tub was actually vibrating.  It was incredibly calming.

...I remember the music playing was Wah!, and one of the songs was her song "Jai Ma" which means "praise the Mother".  The only light in the room was candlelight... and the whole scene was almost like a sanctuary.  I had these incredible souls around me - all women except for my husband - and everyone simply allowing... allowing a natural birth experience to happen.  

And with each breath, each contraction during those 22 minutes, Emma was getting lower and lower until she was born at 10:48pm.  Just before she came out, Leah got out of the tub and Johnny got in so that he was behind me when Emma was born and I fell back into his arms as Dana put Emma into mine.

A little over 5 hours from start to finish - wow!  Everyone said it would be easier the second time, but I didn't want to believe it.  I'm sooooooo glad they were right!

And now that she's here, it's just amazing being home with both her and Annie. The idea of taking a few years off the career path to be a stay at home Mom while the girls are so little is... truthfully... quite tempting at the moment.  I committed to my boss that I would go back on October 1, and he's agreed to let me go back at 3/4 time, so at least I won't have to go back full time right away. I'll have a little more time with these sweet precious girls before work consumes me again.

Emma is a precious baby, a great sleeper and eater (just like her big sister), but she is definitely her own person.  I think she's going to be a bit of a spit-fire.  Of course that's what we get for naming her after Emmeline Pankhurst.  Johnny wrote the most beautiful song about Emmeline Pankhurst a few years ago and I fell in love with the name (the chorus of the song is "Emmeline, Emmeline, you're not what you seem - Emmeline, Emmeline, I love you"... thus the title of this Blog entry).  So when we found out we were going to be having another little girl, it was the name I wanted to go with.  Her middle name is for my maternal grandmother, Mary Wilson.  (hi Mimi!)

Our life as a family of four has come together pretty smoothly these past two months since Emma's birth.  Annie is such a sweet big sister... she loves Emma so much and wants to help us take care of her all the time.  She's gentle and patient... everything we could wish for.  Emma just lights up when she sees Annie - it's so sweet to see them fall in love with each other.   I know that not all siblings are close, but I really hope Annie and Emma continue to love each other.  And I'm so glad we decided to have more than one.

Last night I was wasting some time by watching Parenthood episodes (haven't seen that show in over two years, so I'm catching up on the web).  And, of course, it gets me all sentimental about being a parent.  So last night, at about 11:00, after Annie had been asleep for two hours, I tip-toed into her room, and crawled into bed with her just to feel her sweet body sleeping next to mine for about thirty minutes.  I can't believe she's three years old!  All of her baby words are gone (except for a few we've chosen to keep, like "fee-yick" which means "frozen yogurt").  Annie's life is like a musical because she sings or hums all the time!  Even when she's "talking", she sings.  Like "Mommy, I would really like to go to the park to play" will be sung to me to the tune of Beauty and the Beast's "Belle".  I remember one of my childhood friends, Tiffany, telling me to stop humming all the time because it annoyed her.  Well... Annie is just like her Mom.  Hopefully her friends won't be so silly.  After all, the world needs more music in it, right?

With love -
the woman so proud, and blessed, to be Annie's and now Emma's Mommy